Category: Thoughts

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A July Pemi Loop (attempt)

I met my hiking friends at Lincoln Woods at 3:30 which meant the alarm went off at 2:00. We started shortly after 3:30 with headlamps hiking up Osseo Trail with the most elevation gain to start. It was a slog to Flume with a socked in summit but still beautiful to be up there. Onto Liberty and still no views but we felt the fog would burn off.

By the time we hit Haystack a gorgeous 360 degree view of the Pemi Wilderness and Franconia Notch made all the suffering worth it. 

From Haystack looking toward Lafayette

At this point everything hurt. The first eight miles my ankle was sore from spraining it last week and my balance seemed off. I used poles and they kept me balanced. 

The hike to Lafayette makes you forget all your ailments with spectacular views and rocks formations. At the summit a light wind kept the bugs away. As we headed toward Garfield I struggled with leg pain every time I lifted my right leg. I didn’t feel great but I was happy to be there.

I began thinking about what my hiking partners said, that the hike would be about 18 hours and we wouldn’t get off the trail until 10:00 or so. 

When I started the day, for some reason I was thinking we would finish in 15 hours. Mentally, I didn’t think I could end at 10:00 or later. So many things conspired to make this a day of not finishing what I started. 

I really want to finish what I start but many times over the course of my endurance-athlete-life I get mental blocks. My legs are dead or I’m having a bad race and I just want to be done. I’ve talked to other athletes who didn’t finish what they started, whether it was a 100 mile race or a marathon and they told me – they just wanted to go home and be around their family. When I’m stressed or think I can’t finish I just want to go home. 

When we arrived to a closed Galehead Hut where we were hoping to resupply food, I decided that I didn’t have enough food to make it over Twin and the Bonds. So I took the bailout option well….. And … because .. I couldn’t fathom getting off the trail at  midnight. 

As I hiked/ran down Twin Brook and Franconia Brook trail I was nervous. I didn’t want to hike alone at night so I ran as much as I could. My thoughts go to a dark place telling myself I would never do this again. I thought of all the things I did wrong: how I need to fix my injuries, train harder and keep working on mental strength. I hiked/ran about 26 total miles but my Garmin, that died at mile 19 didn’t synch to Strava so I have no elevation gain for the first 19 miles it recorded before arriving at Galehead.

Today, Sunday, I completed every run on my training plan that included 21 miles of running this  weekend. And I talked to Mark about running a Pemi Loop in the fall. 

I’m getting there – back to where I want to be: super fit.

Here’s Vicky on the Franconia. Ridge – a fun hiking partner. It was a great day to be above treeline.
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Walking Tour of Concord NH

I got an idea in my head that I would walk all the streets in downtown Concord as a way to get three miles in. Copying the idea from Rickey Gates who ran every street in San Francisco. Since I can’t run, yet, I decided I would walk (without dogs). I don’t count mileage when I walk dogs. 

Today I decided that on this walking tour I would listen to my new playlist I just created for April. I started from my house and headed to downtown. I walked up and down the streets:

I decided to take some pictures of the beautiful buildings and some trees.

My playlist was pretty awesome.

Girl from the North Country – Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash. 
I recently watched Escape at Dannemora and this song played during a dramatic scene. Plus the lyrics are pretty awesome and I love the North Country. “So, if you’re travelin’ in the north country fair, Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline, Remember me to one who lives there, She once was a true love of mine.”

Time to say goodbye – Andrea Bocelli 

Change – John Waite
From the soundtrack Vision Quest – just love this song. “It doesn’t matter who you are It’s all the same. What’s in your heart will never change”

Pretty – Ingrid Michaelson
“I’m not just pretty, No, I’m pretty damn good, Sure in my own skin, Again and again and again.”

Roll Me Away – Bob Segar
Pretty much my anthem: “Stood alone on a mountain top, Starin’ out at the Great Divide, I could go east, I could go west, It was all up to me to decide.”

Shallow – Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper
“Tell me somethin’, girl, Are you happy in this modern world? Or do you need more? Is there somethin’ else you’re searchin’ for?“

When You Were Young – The Killers
This is my all time favorite Guitar Hero song to play. “Can we climb this mountain, I don’t know Higher now than ever before, I know we can make it if we take it slow.”

My Body – Young the Giant
This is a great song to run to but alas, I walk: “My body tells me no! But I won’t quit ‘Cuz I want more.”

He Knows – Jeremy Camp
“He knows. Every hurt and every sting. He has walked the suffering. He knows.”

Just be Held – Casting Crowns
This is one of my favorite songs. Beautiful: “There’s freedom in surrender. Lay it down and let it go. So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away, You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held.”

Nothing Compares 2 U – Chris Cornell version
I just discovered this version by Cornell that is on the playlist. I like the Sinead O’Connor version but I can’t listen to it. “It’s been seven hours and sixteen days, Since you took your love away.” Here’s the O’Connor version:

Colorful – The Verve Pipe
The Chris Cornell song reminded me of this song that was on the Rock Star soundtrack so I added it to the playlist. I just love the final scene in the movie when this song plays.

Happy Sunday.

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Thoughts on Hope

There are moments I think we all feel hopeless about the future, and that nothing exciting will ever happen again. I know I felt that way almost every day this week. I start down the path of negative thinking and my mind spirals. 

This morning on a hike with my dog this happened and I couldn’t shake it. 

I hiked from the usual start on the Winant Trail and randomly took one of the many spur trails and ended up on a windy, back and forth trail that I’d never been on. It was one of those trails perfect for mountain biking because it helps you practice sharp turns and zig zagging up a hill. 

I only saw one other person and his dog during the early hike. The sun was shining and it seriously was a perfect day but my mind was not so perfect. 

Towards the end of the hike back to my car Winnie disappeared for the longest amount of time. She loves chasing squirrels or digging in the dirt. Ten minutes later she appeared on the trail after searching up and down calling her name. She was out of  breath, tongue hanging to the side and dirt all around her snout. I was so mad but at least she came back. I got back to the car and drove home in an even more foul mood.

When I’m in a bad mood like this I write; and today I wrote while sitting in my sunroom trying to get rid of my dark thoughts. I started writing about how I feel pessimistic about the future. 

But then I began thinking about last year. 2019 was such a game changer for me. I started dating again and just when I thought I’d never meet anyone I met someone. I started to really liking my job. I trained for 28 weeks for an A race. Nothing about all these things was perfect but thinking about how they came into my life – many by chance, by taking a risk, by changing my attitude – changed me in such positive ways. 

As I sit and write I remember how everything – everything – can change on a dime.

I’ve had the same morning routine for five weeks: get up, open the curtains, walk the dog, drink coffee. Thirty five days in row.  I want and need a change. I think about how one little event or action can change it all: a phone call, an email, a text, a random conversation. Everything can change in an instant. And these random acts can change your thoughts, your mood, your happiness and the future. That’s what I want to remember.

As I write about this hope, I decide that I will try to be the one who gives it to someone else instead of expecting it all myself. So that is what I’m going to do today. I’m going to call, text, send an email. 

This is what writing does for me. It helps me process what is going on in my head and change it around. The simple act of pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) makes me more hopeful. Thanks for reading.

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Today is Saturday, Quarantine Edition

Today. 

It’s cold and windy out but I will bike and run. But first, I’m waiting for it to warm up a bit and of course, watch the 11:30 Cuomo Press Conference.

This morning I took both dogs on separate long walks and started the puzzle my BFF George sent me. I’m not really into puzzles but when a friend sends you a gift you use it. It’s a bit more addictive than I thought it would be.

It’s going to be a full day of exercise, puzzles, news watching and a vow to finish reading the last two Sunday New York Times that are stacked on my coffee table. What are you doing on this Saturday in April?

April 5, 2020 New York Times Sunday – still needs to be read.
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Mountain Biking and Living in the Moment

I’ve lost count of how many weeks I’ve been working from home. I think three but it may be four. I really like working from home because I get to hang out all day with my dogs and take many walks around the block. When I walk I think of writing ideas and create sentences. 

One of the benefits of working from home is I can take lunch breaks whenever I want, specifically the warmest part of the day so I can run or bike.

When I run I think of everything: what I’m going to eat, who I need to call, past boyfriends, trips I’ve taken, races, the Cuomo brothers and their daily banter; basically everything. When I mountain bike I think of nothing except the line in front of me; the line I will take around rocks and roots, and maybe going over a big rock and catching a little air off a perfectly placed rock. 

When I really think about all the sports I do from ultra running to Ironman, the sport I’m really the best at is mountain biking. As I maneuver over obstacles my body seems to know how to move with the bike, and my flow is natural and efficient. Yet, I spent years running and training for ultrarunning, and I pretty much suck at it. To me, running is minimalistic and satisfies my need to be low maintenance; I can run anywhere and all I really need is a pair of shoes. With mountain biking you need a bike, comfortable bike shorts, gloves, a helmet, replacement tubes and more. 

Colorado 2012

I mountain biked more when I lived out west. I biked all around Winter Park and all over the mountains surrounding Tucson. I even did a 24 Hour race with a team when I lived in Tucson.

Looking back, the weather seemed to be a little more cooperative out west and there weren’t as many roots and rocks as the New Hampshire trails. 

Tucson 2014

I’m ready to get back into mountain biking this year and getting better. I have a 10 mile loop that I like to do, right from my door. I’d like to spend less time walking some sections and get faster.

My loop in Concord, NH

I follow Kate Courtney on Instagram and when I’m flying down a hill, in my mind I say, ride like Kate Courtney – body position specifically so my weight is distributed properly. I love her workout videos and how she is so successful at a sport I love. I’m looking forward to going back to the gym after all of this to get back on track to get stronger. 

I am thankful for many things and one of them is that I can ride. Riding makes me happy and makes me live in the moment – nothing else does that for me right now. So I will ride today, maybe even in the rain. I know with the rain and cold temperatures that I will be the only one out there and that may just be a good thing.