There are moments I think we all feel hopeless about the future, and that nothing exciting will ever happen again. I know I felt that way almost every day this week. I start down the path of negative thinking and my mind spirals.
This morning on a hike with my dog this happened and I couldn’t shake it.
I hiked from the usual start on the Winant Trail and randomly took one of the many spur trails and ended up on a windy, back and forth trail that I’d never been on. It was one of those trails perfect for mountain biking because it helps you practice sharp turns and zig zagging up a hill.
I only saw one other person and his dog during the early hike. The sun was shining and it seriously was a perfect day but my mind was not so perfect.
Towards the end of the hike back to my car Winnie disappeared for the longest amount of time. She loves chasing squirrels or digging in the dirt. Ten minutes later she appeared on the trail after searching up and down calling her name. She was out of breath, tongue hanging to the side and dirt all around her snout. I was so mad but at least she came back. I got back to the car and drove home in an even more foul mood.
When I’m in a bad mood like this I write; and today I wrote while sitting in my sunroom trying to get rid of my dark thoughts. I started writing about how I feel pessimistic about the future.
But then I began thinking about last year. 2019 was such a game changer for me. I started dating again and just when I thought I’d never meet anyone I met someone. I started to really liking my job. I trained for 28 weeks for an A race. Nothing about all these things was perfect but thinking about how they came into my life – many by chance, by taking a risk, by changing my attitude – changed me in such positive ways.
As I sit and write I remember how everything – everything – can change on a dime.
I’ve had the same morning routine for five weeks: get up, open the curtains, walk the dog, drink coffee. Thirty five days in row. I want and need a change. I think about how one little event or action can change it all: a phone call, an email, a text, a random conversation. Everything can change in an instant. And these random acts can change your thoughts, your mood, your happiness and the future. That’s what I want to remember.
As I write about this hope, I decide that I will try to be the one who gives it to someone else instead of expecting it all myself. So that is what I’m going to do today. I’m going to call, text, send an email.
This is what writing does for me. It helps me process what is going on in my head and change it around. The simple act of pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) makes me more hopeful. Thanks for reading.