Author: Kristen Lodge

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Hiking Whiteface, what cures hopelessness

This morning I head up to the White Mountains to hike Mount Whiteface. I attempted her early this spring and turned around at the granite ledges because I seriously thought I would die. It was snowy and icy and I brought my dog. I wanted to live. So I turned around.

Now, June 1 I hike Blueberry Ledge solo. I want the peak. I am not sure what the day will hold for me; maybe Passaconway, too. But I don’t have a plan except to bag Whiteface.

The trailhead has a little history for me. Back in 1988 my boyfriend at the time took me to Sandwich and Wonalancet for a second-hike-ever to Whiteface. He told me that he wanted to be buried in Wonalancet because he loved the place so much. Now, so many years later I had a first kiss in the trailhead with a guy I really liked. Hmmphf. The mountains. The place where I felt reborn after not having any goals and not knowing what my life would be like after high school graduation – the most confusing time of my life. I feel for high school graduates.

June 1, 2019 – I’m running/hiking Blueberry Ledge for the third time in my life and I’m feeling great. One week after running 50 miles I feel like a million bucks….. Until I get to the ledges where I turned around a month ago. It is so steep and scary and I feel at any moment I will fall to my death. Okay, a little dramatic, but I’m not in love with this trail or this mountain in any way, shape or form. I somehow manage to scramble to the top and I’m pissed. The trail diverges and I don’t know where to go. I go left and then it doesn’t feel right. The view is amazing but I’m distracted. I take off my pack and look at the map and I have to decide where to go. I’m not going back the way I came; certain death. I decide to go the Rollins Trail and just go home. I know I should summit Passaconway, I’m so close. I’ll wait and see.

But my mood is dark. I’m mad. I’m pissed. It has more to do than the hike and certain death; I’m just mad.

I follow the trail and it meanders into dark, moody places along the ridge. I run when I can; I want out. I think about Leadville and how I will feel running downhill. Will there be as many rocks and roots? There will definitely be more people. I stop and eat and finally take a picture.

I’m praying and hoping the mountains change my mood but I’m mad. I want the mountains to change my mood; I want to be happy and hopeful – but I’m not. There are no people on this trail. I finally reach the trail junction where I can head to Passaconway or go down Dicey’s Mill Trail.

I chose home.

I run as much as I can and finish 9.7 miles back to my car. The parking lot is overfilling with cars. I only saw 5 people the entire day.

I actually came to do what I set out to but in the back of my mind it would’ve been good to get Passaconaway.

I stink. I’m mad. I drive home.

I walk down to the Concord Co-Op for dinner. My heart hurts for a million different reasons. I feel like a teenager whose heart is broken and my stomach aches. As I enter the store I hear the song, Let It Be from the Beatles.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

I buy my food and walk home. I hear a line from a book I read so many times, so many years ago: Running From Safety, that reminds me –  take me out of the ball game, tell me it’s over, and I get instant perspective.

The anger, frustration is gone, gone. Instant perspective is all that I needed.

While the mountains didn’t cure me today, I’m still certain they will.

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Pineland Trail Festival Race Report, 50 Mile

I ran my first 50 on May 26. I really didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t know how it was going to feel. I couldn’t quite wrap my brain around the course with all the loops and running around fields. My mind at the start said just follow the arrows and course markings, and not overthink it. So I just ran. I started out slow, ate and drank at every aid station and waited for Mark to pace me at mile 27.

I ran most of the first 27 and only later started walking up the steep hills. Most of the inclines were runnable. I fell twice during the first 15 miles and landed hard on my right shoulder. I wasn’t lifting my left leg high enough because of knee and abductor issues. It’s a pattern to fall in the first half of a race rather than the latter. Go figure.

Mark was a great pacer and kept my mind occupied with other things. At about mile 40 I felt confident that I was going to make it to the finish. However, the miles seemed off when posted at aid stations. It was then we realized it was going to be longer than 50 miles; which psychologically was tough. At the mile 42 aid station/drop bag I took Advil and drank coke and suddenly I was able to kick it into high gear. The exhaustion went away and I powered up the hills and opened my stride. I felt great and got ahead of Mark. I passed a few men (which is always fun, ha) and finished feeling great. Marianne and Richard were at the finish cheering me on. Mark came in a few minutes later.

At the finish. Photo Courtesy of Richard Hoebel

What a day. The mud was crazy and the heat sometimes overbearing, but I did it. 50 miles.

Now it’s all about a little recovery and getting ready for Leadville in 12 weeks. My knee still hurts a bit but hopefully it is healing.

It was a great festival and the finisher packet was pretty good. I ended up placing 3rd in my age group and 12th female but the official results weren’t posted when I left so I didn’t get a beer mug.

I came for the finisher pint glass and that is exactly what I got. Race 3 of 5 – finished for 2019. Next up Leadville Marathon in June and Leadville 100 in August.

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Tapering is hard, part 2

Tapering is hard. You have so much free time and your emotions are raging; you just want to run. You want your body to be tired so you can sit on the sofa and veg, but it’s raring to go. It wants to run and play.

I’m restless and anxious.

So after a few talk sessions and advice taking; that has helped me immeasurabley – I decided to head to the bike shop and buy the bike I’ve been researching, and hemming & hawing about. It’s my first time buying a bike with a 29 inch wheel – yickes. But I love her already.

I’m so excited to start riding but I’m not going on the trails until AFTER Sunday’s race.

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Thankful

Tuesday. I’m five days from race day. A race day that is brand new to me. 50 miles. It’s like the first Ironman or first triathlon or first anything. I’m emotional and making bad decisions; par for the course.

But you know what is never bad or wrong – being thankful. Thankful for the people in your life that stay in your life. The people that aren’t scared away from my crazy, neurotic ways.

I’m thankful for my friends and family who stick with me and support me. I love you all. Five days to the newest adventure that I hope will give me a 50 mile finisher pint glass at the end.

Am I saving the world or making the world a better place? No. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. But I want to. I’m working on it.

Here’s to the adventures of the last few years; may they continue for the next 20:

My BFF, my friend who will meet me anywhere to swim, bike, run or trail run at 10,000 feet.
Mary and Kathy – who showed up at Arizona to cheer me on at Ironman; and at the finish line.
Hiking Tumamoc in 100 degree heat in Tucson, sealed the deal – friends for life. Kassandra is the best person I know. A great mom, wife and friend. My BFF.
Jeff, my friend for 20 years. My longest friendship. You’re the best!
My mom. Who always says I can do anything I want to do as long as I smile.
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Leadville Training Week 14 – The week that wasn’t

This week was supposed to be a week where I recover from the 30 miler and taper for the 50. It turned out to be an injury week. My last run was Tuesday morning, a nice 4 miler before work. Later in the afternoon I attempted a mountain bike ride on the trails in Manchester, FOMBA. What a great trail system except that I crashed a few times and had issues clipping out, and injured my left knee.

There was a lot icing and ibuprofen, and perhaps a bit of despair this week. I foam rolled more than I ever have in my life; maybe twice a day. I started swimming on Friday, and on Saturday ended up joining a lane of master swimmers at the Y. That was fun. It seemed by the end of day Saturday it was about 70% healed. I did every type of activity I could except running. On Sunday afternoon I even went on a bike ride on the QR. After 9 months of no biking and swimming, it felt great to be in the aero bars and swim in the pool.

Secret Squirrel MTN Freetown, MA

Sunday was the highlight of the week. I supported Alex at his mountain bike race. I’ve learned how to be an excellent sherpa from Than so it was fun to figure out where he would come out of the woods for a photo op and to cheer him on to Top 10 results. Woo Hoo. After all the races I’ve done and knowing how important it is to hear someone cheering for me, it is truly so fun to do it for people I care about. The mountain biking crowd is so different from Ironman and Ultra running. The race venue was at a park in southeastern Massachusetts, a place I’ve never been and it was great to get out of dodge.

Goal 2 2019 50 Mile
Do it for the sticker!
By the numbers ……

Monday – May 20 – 6 days until race day. 50 Miles. This is my B race. Race 3 of 5 of the dream year. I’m ready. I’m focused. Mark is pacing me and we are celebrating his birthday. Yeah May, Yeah 50 Miles. Yeah to doing things you’ve never done before and crushing it!