After weeks of lackluster training and so much stress of homeownership, I sit and watch a random show that pops up. It’s the Meredith Grey last day episode. I just love the monologues of this show.
When I moved to Tennessee in July last year, I needed a great show to watch to relax at night to take my mind off the bears around the rental house and steep windy roads that I drove to get away from the rental house. I surely thought I would plunge my car off one of these roads and no one would find me for days. But I digress ..
In July I watched an episode, and Meredith Grey’s monologue hit me like a ton of bricks. I was making so many changes; and at times doubted everything. I posted this on Facebook:
Now, here I am, again, trying to relax after stupid homeowner stuff is stressing me out. I watch this random epidode and it hits me. My life is what I made it. And while, I wish I had someone in my life to help me figure out the well, the septic tank (I live in the country, man), how to hang curtains and bathroom hardware, how to landscape a yard that I think is infested with weeds, and how to get weird smells out of carpet when you can’t open the windows because the prior owner puttied them shut (I ordered new windows and with the supply chain problem I’ll get them in 2025).
I’m trying to figure out all this stuff, while training for ultras, taking care of dogs and trying to figure out if I can adopt a third dog, and working hard to do great things at my workplace. Trying to figure all this out is hard stuff. I’m feeling sorry for myself.
Then I hear this from Grey’s Anatomy.
[Isn’t it amazing how words can transform your thoughts?]
I’ve been through broken bones and a broken home. And the death of people I love but I’m still here.
I never chose the safety of what was known when there was the possibility of more to be discovered.
I’ve had adventures that most people only dream about.
And I’ve had loses that I still dream about.
And if there is one thing I’ve learned in all my adventures, it’s that there’s no such thing as a life lived happily ever after.
Unless the happily means simply that we’re still alive. That the sun is rising on another day. Because with every sunrise comes the possibility of happiness. And also the possibility of heartache.
And sometimes it’s all rolled up together.
I came to understand as a very young child that when the imagination is limitless, life’s possibilities are endless. But I learned that the hard way.
I learned it through yearning and frustration and ache and longing. And sometimes desperation for a different life from the one I was living. I learned to stretch my imagination and spread my wings. And to allow for all the options life had to offer. Not only the ones I could see with my eyes. I stretched for the ones I could feel with my heart.
As long as the sun rises on your life, there will be new dragons to slay.
The end of my story is not any kind of ever after because I’m still alive. I’m still here.
And the sun still rises on my life.
The Sun Still Rises On My Life.
Keep training. Keep adopting dogs. Keep doing a great job at work, life and friendship. That is what I’m thinking tonight.