Category: Long Run Saturday

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Hiking Whiteface, what cures hopelessness

This morning I head up to the White Mountains to hike Mount Whiteface. I attempted her early this spring and turned around at the granite ledges because I seriously thought I would die. It was snowy and icy and I brought my dog. I wanted to live. So I turned around.

Now, June 1 I hike Blueberry Ledge solo. I want the peak. I am not sure what the day will hold for me; maybe Passaconway, too. But I don’t have a plan except to bag Whiteface.

The trailhead has a little history for me. Back in 1988 my boyfriend at the time took me to Sandwich and Wonalancet for a second-hike-ever to Whiteface. He told me that he wanted to be buried in Wonalancet because he loved the place so much. Now, so many years later I had a first kiss in the trailhead with a guy I really liked. Hmmphf. The mountains. The place where I felt reborn after not having any goals and not knowing what my life would be like after high school graduation – the most confusing time of my life. I feel for high school graduates.

June 1, 2019 – I’m running/hiking Blueberry Ledge for the third time in my life and I’m feeling great. One week after running 50 miles I feel like a million bucks….. Until I get to the ledges where I turned around a month ago. It is so steep and scary and I feel at any moment I will fall to my death. Okay, a little dramatic, but I’m not in love with this trail or this mountain in any way, shape or form. I somehow manage to scramble to the top and I’m pissed. The trail diverges and I don’t know where to go. I go left and then it doesn’t feel right. The view is amazing but I’m distracted. I take off my pack and look at the map and I have to decide where to go. I’m not going back the way I came; certain death. I decide to go the Rollins Trail and just go home. I know I should summit Passaconway, I’m so close. I’ll wait and see.

But my mood is dark. I’m mad. I’m pissed. It has more to do than the hike and certain death; I’m just mad.

I follow the trail and it meanders into dark, moody places along the ridge. I run when I can; I want out. I think about Leadville and how I will feel running downhill. Will there be as many rocks and roots? There will definitely be more people. I stop and eat and finally take a picture.

I’m praying and hoping the mountains change my mood but I’m mad. I want the mountains to change my mood; I want to be happy and hopeful – but I’m not. There are no people on this trail. I finally reach the trail junction where I can head to Passaconway or go down Dicey’s Mill Trail.

I chose home.

I run as much as I can and finish 9.7 miles back to my car. The parking lot is overfilling with cars. I only saw 5 people the entire day.

I actually came to do what I set out to but in the back of my mind it would’ve been good to get Passaconaway.

I stink. I’m mad. I drive home.

I walk down to the Concord Co-Op for dinner. My heart hurts for a million different reasons. I feel like a teenager whose heart is broken and my stomach aches. As I enter the store I hear the song, Let It Be from the Beatles.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

I buy my food and walk home. I hear a line from a book I read so many times, so many years ago: Running From Safety, that reminds me –  take me out of the ball game, tell me it’s over, and I get instant perspective.

The anger, frustration is gone, gone. Instant perspective is all that I needed.

While the mountains didn’t cure me today, I’m still certain they will.

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Training Recap, Week 18

The TARC Spring Classic 50K on Saturday was painful and I battled negative thoughts during the first two loops.

Half way through the first loop I hit a rock or root and fell, hard, to the ground and into bushes landing on my right shoulder. I got up quickly and realized that I wasn’t injured but cut my left hand. Since it was raining I had all kinds of wet vegetation on me. I was more embarrassed than hurt. I started running and the only thing that hurt was my hand. Thank goodness. If I fell on the first loop when my mind was working well, I better pay attention on the future loops.

The race was so well organized. The food was good. I ate PB&J and grilled cheese on every loop. The water bottle fillers were awesome and helpful; very friendly. I loved that the aid station at every loop had my drop bag waiting for me. I ran pretty light and didn’t carry much water or my soft flasks because I knew every 10K I would have Tailwind and water. I didn’t use Perpetum until the 4th loop and it really help my energy level because during the third loop I realized that I might not make the cut-off and didn’t even know what the the cut-off was. My mind was so out of it that I couldn’t figure out how long each 10K loop took me. Was it an hour? 90 minutes? I couldn’t do the math. At the aid station before heading out on the 4th loop I found out that I had to start the 5th loop by 2:15. It was 12:15. Could I do one loop in 2 hours. My mind couldn’t figure it out so I headed out on the 4th loop to go as fast as I could.

While running the 4th loop I realized that I hate it when people have to wait for me; I hate inconveniencing people. If I barely meet the cut off, the race director and all his people would be waiting for me to finish and that makes me feel bad. I thought that if I was cutting it too close I just wouldn’t go out on the final loop. As I got closer to the end of the loop I realized each loop took about 90 minutes to finish.

I came into the aid station at 1:45 (phew!) and headed out on the last loop; everything hurt so much. Now I just wanted to finish as fast as I could so I didn’t keep race volunteers from leaving and get my 31 training miles in.

I don’t fully understand why I felt so weary most of the run. It wasn’t super hilly, the total elevation gain was just under 1,000. It could just be that I was still tired from a running 38 total miles last weekend.

As I ran this race I thought about all the things I need to do for the next 5 weeks before my 50 miler: more weights, more stairs and more time on my feet.

Gear Note: I wore the Lone Peak shoes and SmartWool socks. By the 2nd loop they were pretty soaked from the rain showers and I thought I would stop and change shoes but by the time I got back to the aid station an hour later, my feet seemed dry. Amazing. So I didn’t waste time changing shoes, I wore them the entire 31 miles.

The week of training was good. No knee pain and while the total mileage this week was less than last week, I’m okay with it knowing I pushed a little harder than I normally would on Saturday. Next weekend I’m going to try for more elevation gain and get the mileage back up where it should be. Weights, night running and stairs are all in my plan this week!

Average Resting Heart Rate: 51

Total Vert: 2,100

Miles: 51.3 (includes hiking)

This Week’s Plan



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Week 19 Recap

The most mileage yet and I’m feeling it. 38 miles this weekend!

I hope after the last few week I’ll be ready for the first race of the year – next Saturday. The race is a 50K on trails.

This week I am back on track with weight training and stairs. I’m up to 1,200 stairs on the stair climber. I slept well all week except for Saturday night. However, I wasn’t too stiff/sore when I woke up on Sunday to run 12 miles. I feel like my knee is 100% back to normal after Saturday long run that was mostly on trails. It didn’t hurt at all on Sunday’s run. Icing and ibuprofen really worked well.

One note about Saturday’s 25-mile run. I started running at 10:30 which is really late to start a 25 mile run. It was also the hottest and most humid day of the year so far. I wasn’t prepared for the heat and overdressed; and ran out of water when I was about two miles from the house. Also by starting late, I ran into more people on the Concord Trail system. There were a lot of dogs too; all very well behaved!

But since it was the first warm day, I also saw more people outside their homes on the routes I usually run super early. When you run at a different time, the typical run routes are like a new world.

I’m excited for tomorrow’s rest day and will not mind the rain that is in the forecast.

Average Weight: [I’m just going to remove this category on future posts]

Average Resting Heart Rate: 48

Total Vert: 6,229 ft elevation gain (woot woot – high score)

Miles: 58 (includes hiking)

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Week 21 Recap

This week was the hardest yet. Longer miles during the week and then 22/12 over the weekend.

My knees have been hurting from the fall last week, then on Saturday I fell, again, on the ice hurting my right knee. Geez. I’ve been icing my knees every day.

Saturday was the first long run that was done mainly on trails and a lot of vertical. The trails are muddy and still pretty icy in spots. I was toast after that run. Sunday morning was brutal; I woke up pretty sore. I delayed the run start to 10:00 which is the latest I’ve ever started a weekend run. At first it was slow and painful, but gradually got better. The run was around 80% on road and I tried as much as I could to find trails or run on the dirt next to the road.

I spent Sunday afternoon relaxing and icing my knees while catching up on Arrested Development.

Next week is a recovery week – thank goodness! I need it.

I need to pay special attention to core and get back to some weights this week. I also need to add night running and stair climbing. Saturday is a massage. Yeah recovery week!

The learning process continues.

Average Weight: 158

Average Resting Heart Rate: 56

Total Vert: 4,409 ft (most vertical this year!)

Miles: 57 (includes hiking)