This morning I went on a hike with Winnie and wanted to take a picture to capture the day. In the past I would have posted on Facebook. But now, I just want to remember this morning, for me, so I will post the photo and write my thoughts here.
The snow is starting to melt and parts of the trail are finally peeking through. The temps are still in the 30s in the morning and I didn’t see a single person on the trail. Winnie loves running free and smelling all the earthy smells that have been hidden all winter.
If anyone cares to read about my morning adventure they will have to do a little more work than view their Facebook Feed. I’m guessing no one really cares about my hike but me.
Before I deleted all my social media accounts I saved a few photos to my phone. Here are a few I like to remember:
After being off social media for a few days now, I understand how easy it was to know what was going on in the world, and in my friends’ lives. It was easy to know what events were happening nearby because businesses created their events on Facebook.
Now I have to figure out a way to stay in touch with my friends. I decided that I will write letters, print photos and call my friends. I will subscribe to blogs and sign up for newsletters – that’s how I’ll get my news.
It’s old-school, baby. Just like my friend Mark who still uses an alarm clock to wake up in the morning.
I think there is some value to changing the way you do things instead of doing what everyone else is doing. I know that I’m going to miss out on some things but I think I’ll have much more free time to read and think and do.
Daisy-dog went to dog heaven this morning. I still can’t believe it even though I was the one who made the call. I feel so badly about making the call. She had a great morning: special wet dog food, a long walk and then a short off-leash run near the Merrimack River.
I adopted Daisy in 2007 through a German Shepherd rescue organization and brought her home to my condo in Granby from Castlerock in the middle of the night. Abbey came with me to make sure she liked her; she loved Daisy. Abbey and Daisy had the best dog-life, chasing wildlife all over the Colorado mountains. Daisy tried to chase a porcupine on one walk and that didn’t end well. I held her in my arms, under anesthesia, as the vet pulled out each quill.
When it was time to move to Tucson Daisy and Abbey drove south with me on the two-day journey. I’m sure neither of them liked Tucson much: it was so hot in the summer and all walks were on-leash. Abbey was put-down there and Daisy became an only-dog for about eight months. Daisy was bit by a rattlesnake one month after Winnie joined the family.
I think Daisy was happy being the only-dog but she came to love Winnie, and would oftentimes rest her head on Winnie just like she did with Abbey.
Then the great day came when we moved back to Colorado and the off-leash hikes started back up and everyone was happy. Long runs up the hill in Hot Sulphur Springs and running around Pole Creek Golf Course. So much fun.
Daisy started to have issues once we moved back to New Hampshire. She had some health and behavior issues that kept coming up. At 10-years-old, I was prepared for anything. The past two month, more health problems and she started looking different; she look sad. I felt like something was wrong. I had to entice her to eat most days but she did eat. She loved any kind of food that wasn’t dog food.
And now she is gone. I keep questioning my decision and wondering if I did the right thing. Ultimately I knew that she was going to keep going downhill with more vet visits, which she hated, and more soiling inside, which I know she hated.
I love you Daisy-girl and I was with you until the end. I’ll never, ever forget you. I’ll never forget our adventures across the country and in the woods. You are the best dog in the world.
She was the second love of my life after Abbey-dog. I miss you, girl. I’m so sad without you.
My lease is up next month and the last thing on my mind is moving; for once.
I like this house. I really like the neighborhood and I walk everywhere. Everything I need is walking distance: groceries, restaurants, library and YMCA.
I want to stay. I want to stay because while the house is too big for me if offers everything I need. I love the kitchen where I write, a living room and entryway, two entrances, several windows for the dogs to watch squirrels and bark at the mailman, two staircases, two bedrooms, two bathrooms and two sunrooms. If I was going to stay longer than a year I would consider buying plants for the sunroom but I’m not that long-term committed – I think.
Since moving back to NH a year ago, I still have commitment issues with place. I still need a few more things in my life to feel committed to staying in Concord. However, New Hampshire, I’m staying. The long-term question is which city since there are so many great regions: seacoast, mountains, lakes region and the south western area.
In the past, each move I made was about hope, change and the possibilities associated with a new place such as better job, new friends and exploring the mountains and trails of a new area.
When I moved to the Maine mountains when I was 29 I was in the older category of people moving to a resort town and living the mountain lifestyle. Most people did that right out of college. However, I was just out of college but took a different path to a college degree; taking classes off and on for 10 years while working and traveling to Europe and the West. I have always felt I was 10 years behind everyone else my age. Additionally, not being married and not having kids probably kept me in the younger crowd.
When I moved to Steamboat Springs, Colo. from Maine I wanted a new life in a new place but still in the mountains and living rural. I wanted a small town with access to the outdoor life. Later moving to Grand County, an even smaller rural community, I loved being surrounded by wilderness and beauty.
After living the mountain lifestyle I was ready for Tucson. I knew that I wanted something new, something I’ve never done before: to live in a big city and have a great job. Tucson and Phoenix surprised me since I didn’t realize before arriving that they were surrounded by big mountains with amazing hiking, trail running and mountain biking. Now I had the best of both worlds: mountains and a big city.
Now, I live back in the state I grew up in and thought I knew it pretty well. Things change after 15 years and now I’m re-learning the mountains and trails that I loved so long ago.
Moving back to New Hampshire and the process of leaving Colorado and The West was a feeling, at the time, I couldn’t express and didn’t fully realize. As I drove across country I was excited to see my parents and live close to them, but I wasn’t sad and I wasn’t completely happy. It is only now that I feel the sense of loss. I truly miss the familiar spaces of Colorado and the self I left behind. That self – that adventurous, always-planning-the-next-trip me who was always surrounded by mountains, wilderness and friends.
There was something about crossing the imaginary line from east to west that changed me, and I’m still trying to process what it all means. As a writer, I’m still trying to find the story, find the meaning and write about it.
I look at the photos, posters, coffee mugs and books all bought in Colorado or Arizona. I remember all the great people and good times. Nothing here seems that familiar yet and I know that it takes times.
I don’t want to be anywhere else right now. I want to be here.
I am not seeking a new place. I’m staying put.
I’m ready to get into a new routine and find new spaces that will eventually become familiar all while creating a new self that is engaged in place and welcoming the new people who show up to share their life with me.
Do you make deals with yourself? I seem to do it on a daily basis. It’s how I negotiate outcomes that I might not be able to do daily.
Today’s deal is that I need to follow my 50 mile training plan from today to Sunday. Exactly. Just miles on my feet. That’s it – easy – right? Well, not exactly. This is what the training week looks like:
The deal of the week is that I just need to do it: make it happen or drop out of the 50 Mile race in June.
I have a lot of experience of dropping out of races before and during. While it is difficult to do and I wrestle my brain and ego for hours and days, at the end of the the day I’m a realist. I have big dreams and big plans, and I believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. However, I’m a realist and practicalist.
So here we go….. let’s get this training done, recover, figure out the vegan recovery food and get to Wachusett Mountain trail run in June.
Cheers to Planning & Executing the next goal! #run50miles
I moved a lot so it made sense not to accumulate things. When I moved to Colorado from New Hampshire in 2004 everything fit in my car. I may have packed too many boxes of books for a move across the country but many of them were books about the west that inspired me to be a westerner so they had to make the trips. However, many of them didn’t make the trek back to the east coast since eventually I donated them to local libraries.
When I lived in Steamboat Springs, Colo. I didn’t have a need for much furniture although I did have skis and a bike. I lived in apartments and houses where all I needed was a bed and a desk (always a desk for writing). When I moved to Granby, Colo. the condo I bought was furnished so I didn’t need to buy a TV, washer/dryer, sofa or dining room table. The condo was later sold with most of its contents. Again, when I moved to Tucson very few things came with me other than books, kitchen stuff and clothes. When I moved back to Colorado even less came with me, and my collection of books could fit in one box.
Part of being a minimalist is reading books and watching DVDs from the library. I just love the Concord, NH Library. They have a huge book and DVD collection. I watch many shows and movies on Netflix. For music I have Napster for songs to run to on my iPhone. Books, CDs and DVD do not fill the spaces in my house like they used to. When people walk into my house they see uncluttered space.
I’ve been vegan for about two months now. And while I know that I will never eat meat again, eating animal by-products such as cheese and desserts that have eggs and butter in them have been the hardest to conquer; they are my cheats. I like being vegan and do it for the animals, and I do it to help reduce my carbon footprint. I’m not sure that eating vegan has made me feel any different, yet. I have lost weight and feel lighter but I don’t feel like I have more energy.
I joined a Facebook group called Minimalist Zero-waste Vegans because that is what I’m striving for in my life – all three aspects. I know I’m not perfect at it but I work at it. I really like the idea of repurposing clothes and all the different ways to live more simply.