One of the best parts about dating that no one really likes to talk about is that when you fall in love with someone and have great times together, when the good times don’t last and you want to kill them because they are inconsiderate and selfish, you can just break up and look for someone new.
However, the fact of the matter is I love waking up next to the man I love, even if he drives me a bit mad. I currently miss this more than I thought even though I knew I had to end it with the latest man, and stop the madness. The worst parts of dating someone is fighting so much about stupid things that at the time seem so important that it had to end. He was so fun and exciting at first but then we fought all the time and he got way too comfortable. My expectations were never met but I still loved falling asleep next to him and waking up with him next to me.
Towards the end he brought his weighted blanket to my house on the nights he actually came over. In the morning he woke up and wrapped the heavy blanket around himself and walked, slowly down the stairs to sit on the sofa with me. He would always take the stairs where I could see him walk down like a prom date, slow, steadily, making sure I watched every step and every facial expression. It was funny and endearing at the same time.
He liked to be on stage. He liked people to notice him but not in a showy way. He just got a kick out of people or me watching him. He liked being weird.
For most of the time we were together he wore his work safety glasses because after the first week of dating, he took off his glasses while we were making out and set them on the bed then when I moved to the bed I accidently sat on them. I don’t know if you have ever seen work safety glasses; not super attractive.
His vision is just as bad as mine and for a day he wore an old pair of mine, which made me laugh every time I looked at him. His kookiness and weirdness made me love him more. He told me a story about how he fell into the ocean while kayaking and lost his glasses. He didn’t have enough money to get a new pair so he didn’t wear glasses for a week. I can’t even go for a walk, much less drive without glasses. But he seemed to have a hardcore sense of stubborness and mental toughness to figure out most everything.
For example, he can go a day without talking or texting me. He even went a week not communicating with me when we were in a fight.
That one day and later that week, killed me inside. I need daily communication, at least a few times a day. I need time with the one I love. It’s always been the detriment of every relationship when I loved them more than they loved me. I didn’t stay together for long with the ones that loved me more. Maybe it’s because I always need a challenge or maybe it’s just that I suck at relationships and can’t seem to get better at them even as I age.
One of the best relationships I had recently, that only lasted three months, was with a man who had four children and seemed to always want to kiss me. I liked to tease him about trying to kiss me after the first date and he ended up kissing me on the cheek; I wasn’t expecting it. I remember the moment I fell in love with him from one casual conversation while I was at his house waiting for him to make me dinner. He said: You know, we can change. It’s as simple as that. We just change for the better.
I hate it when someone tells me something so obvious and I learn it right away when I should already know it and be practising it.
I took it in immediately, and as he went about cooking the rice in his new pressure cooker that was supposed to speed up cooking time, but I was starving and waiting patiently to eat, I realized I could change.
I don’t have to be so black and white, yes or no, right or wrong. I could lower my expectations for the success of this relationship and just roll with it. I don’t have to always have a plan. I just had to breathe.
With him, after the first date and a second date, I just wasn’t sure I liked him. Then while laying on his sofa, recovering from a long run and watching him move around his kitchen like the hot dad that he is, I knew I liked him, I more than liked him. And when he kissed me and touched my body, I was hooked.
He got me with his brain and then his body.
Unfortunately, like everything else, a month or so later, he didn’t want to spend as much time with me as I wanted with him.
I ended it and I’ve never seen him again.
I need time with the person I love and I’m not going to ever give that up. It does take a long time to find a good match, or at least find someone you can tolerate so you don’t kill each other. I’m still holding out hope.